you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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