I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
