I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I realized today that the only things I'm guaranteed to have with me at all times are lipgloss, condoms and a USB drive. hmmm...
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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