the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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