i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Randomize
