It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
