32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Randomize
