I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Randomize
