You kept calling me your small dog last night.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Randomize
