NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Randomize
