i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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