need another drink. this is the easiest way
i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
