if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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