get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Randomize
