Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
