Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Siri just called me GayBoy in front of my family. I will destroy you.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
