so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
