but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
