All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
You took a bar mat shot.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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