How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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