Whoa Z and x make the same sound
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
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