You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Randomize
