Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
What part of the grouping of the words "anal beads" confuses you?
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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