paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
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