I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
