my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
i came on her dog
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
