He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize
