the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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