I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
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