he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
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