Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
