like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
the night ended with taco bell and tears
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
