Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
