I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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