Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Randomize
