Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
