just come out here and I will go home with you...
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Randomize
