I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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