Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
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