i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Randomize
