Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
you will always have a special place in my vag
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
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