She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
bring money and cleavage
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize
