She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
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