when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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