real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I think i peed on brittanys purse
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
