Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
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