Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
