I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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