I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
