If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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