tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
yes, i'm a douce. but i'm a high quality douche.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
