well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
