she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
