I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
