dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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