apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
