I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
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